swim time

We had a really nice weekend. Saturday we swam with some friends and family, and had dinner with old friends.
Sunday was church and dinner with my family.
Monday was swimming and birthday dinner with Spencer's family.




Sawyer is pretty content to spend the rest of the summer in the pool [and so am I!]

I was up most of the night, just thinking. That's the worst. When you want to sleep but your mind is acting like it just drank a redbull.

With the changes that we've had to our job situation [going from 3 incomes to 1] I have been trying to figure some ways we can cut costs in our household. So I spent the better part of the morning, from 4 am to 6 am, laying awake calculating how much the meals I cook cost to make, deciding which groceries can be eliminated from the weekly shopping trips, and what is most cost effective in our family "menu".

And then I reviewed the overall budget, and tried to see where we can reduce our spending.

Looks like if we only eat meals that cost less than $10 total, have no doctors appointments, no birthdays to buy for, and get rid of our pest control guy, we'll break even?

Sawyer is happy and laughing in his jumper, and rather than dwell on the financial depravity of the world, I am going to go hang with him. All we can do is try better tomorrow, right?

smiley faces

Who is this dude? Where's the tiny baby he used to be?

he likes to chew on camera straps. note to self.
playing with uncle paul
almost almost almost sitting up on his own.

etsy? maybe?

[the infamous "baby bird" print that hangs in our dining room. makes great dinner conversation]

I am by no means what I would call a "professional" photographer. I have taken courses in photography, and learned a few tricks here and there. I love doing it. I like that the courses and time I have spent working on photography have helped train my eyes and my brain to look at things a little differently. All that said, I would say I am a...competent..photographer.

We have some of my photographs hanging in different places in our house and from time to time people have asked about them. Lately, a few inquiries about buying my photographs have come my way from friends and family.

I have often debated the idea of trying to sell my photography for profit, and usually settled on not doing it because maybe there just wouldn't be much profit to be made. But I have been looking into etsy.com and considering opening a little shop and having a go at it. It's not like I'd be doing this looking to rake in a fortune, but sharing my pictures and getting a little cash sounds like a pretty nice thing, right? Right?

Of course, I'll have to discuss it in great detail with the CFO, Mr. Beals.

Just an idea. It might fizzle out or it might happen. We shall see.

budget breaker

Happy birthday to me?....

Yeah right. This camera is a grand. I love my Nikon D70, but really wish we'd gone ahead and bought an HD video camera. Well this beauty is a D90 that shoots HD video. Best of both worlds. Too bad Beals Inc. is taking some budget cuts lately and can't justify such lavish toys.

Life will go on, I imagine.

i've got heavy boots

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. Sophia Loren

I have had friends tell me of how scared they are/were about being a parent. About taking care of a child. I was always much more worried about the morning sickness, the labor, the complications of pregnancy for mother and child. All of my adult life I have never thought twice about the duty that comes with becoming a parent. I have said many times, "Oh, I'm not worried about that part at all, that part is easy".

I'm sure this isn't the last time I'll be wrong in this life.

Wednesday afternoon, while happily running errands and feeling fine, I suddenly became so dizzy and disoriented that I barely got my son and myself into the car without falling down. No matter how many gulps of water I took or deep breaths I exhaled, I could not get my bearings. I cranked the AC, dialed and waited for my wonderful sister to come rescue us.

After many hours of laying on the couch, eating snacks, and being walked to the bathroom, I began to feel less dizzy. Less out of control.

My sister came to our rescue again today. She very willingly came at 6:30am to spend the day babysitting us. She rode with me to the doctor. I was too nervous to do anything alone. She tolerated all my rhetorical "what if it's this..." comments, and suffered my annoying hypochondriac-ness. No doubt she could see that physically, I was probably capable of taking care of a day at home with Sawyer and myself. But she knows me well enough to know that emotionally and mentally, I am still incapacitated.

Doc said it is vertigo, which I had already self diagnosed. Thank you, webmd.com.

It is getting better, and will eventually go away.

"Not to worry."
"Very common, very normal."

But I am having an internal pity party. I am so worried for Sawyer, for me, and for how the two of us will get along on our own. All of my adult life I have never thought twice about the duty that comes with becoming a parent, until now, until I feel like I won't be able to be one.

I realize that none of this is life threatening. But it doesn't stop the aching fear that fills my head almost constantly now. If it were just me, if I were not responsible for that sweet boy, then it would be very different. Naturally, I worry a little for his safety all the time anyways, but now I worry that I won't be able to keep him safe and cared for. As a mother, this is the hardest thing for me to feel. Inadequate.

Last call. Every [pity] party has to end at some point, right?

For now, I am watching Sawyer sleep soundly in his swing. He is safe. We are safe.

mother (in classic danzig form)

"Yeah this one right here goes out to all the baby's mamas, mamas...mamas, mamas, baby mamas...." Outkast

Mothers Day is a funny tradition. It's what Spencer likes to call a Hallmark Holiday.

But that didn't stop him from bestowing me with an upcoming spa and shopping day. Lucky girl, I am indeed.

We spent the day yesterday with the mamas in our lives. Brunch and swimming with my family in honor of Mom, and then swimming, guitar hero and a bbq with his family to celebrate our sister in law and Spencer's stepdad's graduation from school (and celebrate his Mom!). I think I spent 85% of the day in my swimming suit!

I do kind of agree that maybe Mothers Day isn't the most legit holiday, but I who am I to turn away the sweet cards and lovely gifts, even on a sort of made up day of celebration.

And we both do love all the moms in our lives. We are lucky to be surrounded by some A plus madres.

victorious

[Fingers crossed, in hopes that the Hair Gods continue to smile on me. Good hair day.]

I realize that making multiple blog posts about good and bad hair days is a little self indulgent and vain, but I feel it necessary to record the few victories I do have over my postpartum hair. That way, if and when I decide to do the whole baby thing again, I will remember that 6 1/2 months after giving birth, I will possibly see and feel bits and pieces of my pre-baby self coming back.

There is a light at the end of every tunnel. And in this case, there's a sweet baby boy to keep me company whether my hips are wider, my skin looser or my hair thinner.

rollie pollie + swimming season

This weekend marked the start of swimming season for our family. Granted, my father in law had to heat the pool up quite a few degrees before any of us would get in, but we did enjoy a lovely Saturday afternoon of swimming, eating, guitar hero-ing, and more swimming. Sawyer loved chillin' in the water in his new raft, courtesy of his Grandma Nemo. In the spa with Dad, Uncle Mikey & cousin BostonJust floating
Papa Jim and BostonNevermind Mom's whiteness and her Blossom hat

We love to swim and we're excited to have a fun summer of lounging by the pool at both my parent's and Spencer's parent's homes with our new little waterbug.

Tonight Sawyer and Spencer were hanging out on the floor in the office together organizing some stuff and I turned around to see this. Sawyer was eating his dad's nose. Yum!




The little dude went to the doc today and will be having a 3 hour surgery this summer to correct his hypospadias (look it up). Blech. Luckily his is minor and they say it's very routine and normal, but surgery on your baby is never something to look forward to.

Oh and he weighed in at 17 lbs 3 oz today. FATTY.