I said a lot of prayers while my Dad was in the hospital. I prayed for a lot of different things. Most frequently, I prayed to be calm and to be strong.
And I asked for God's will to be done, no matter what. All 3 of those prayers were answered. That's been a hard pill to swallow, trust me.
I knew that my Dad was going to die. I knew it before any doctor said so or before any real indication was given. I felt it and I knew it and I shoved it down so no one could see it on my face or hear it in my voice within the walls of the ICU. Maybe I thought if I could hide it away then it wouldn't happen. But it did.
Even though I knew it was coming, I was able to be calm and be strong for myself and others around me. At each visit, I was able to shake off my nerves and tears the minute I got off the elevator at the hospital. Like the flip of a switch. It was kind of miraculous. It was not my doing.
When the last day came, I felt prepared and resilient. But in the harsh light of a hospital room, nothing truly prepares you for watching a life slip away. Especially the life from which you came.
I wanted that calm and strength to rub off onto my family, to permeate and fill the cracks. Even though it has been a comfort and aid for me, it isn't enough for everyone. There are moments now, in the aftermath, where all my calm and strength escapes me, and you can see it on my face or hear it in my voice. There are rises and swells, like waves, in between the steady rhythm of the everyday.
I don't have a point, really. I just woke up with these thoughts streaming through my head. Just have to ride it out.
Lightened up Fettucine Alfredo
-
A friend of mine raved about a recipe she made for Chicken Alfredo, wherein
you used greek yogurt in place of heavy cream. I couldn't remember the last
tim...
14 years ago
7 comments:
Dr Mark shared with me that the grief process is just like the waves of the ocean. Some days, I feel like I've been hit by a monster wave and others it's like little swells lapping at my ankles. But the waves come and go and then there is a period of calm. It is a process....sadly one we all have to go through in our own way and in our own time. But we are together just as Daddy would want us to be holding each other up and helping each other. It's mom again....
I was so sad to hear about your Dad. I know the pain you're going through, but I can tell you it gets easier. Try to right down all of your memories and specific details because that is what helps you pull through. Hang in there.
Thanks Shelley. A good friend gave me a journal to put all my memories in and it's been helpful.
Oh Megan, I'm so sorry. I didn't know your father had died. That's more than tough. Prayers and the calm and peace that follow still help us with the sudden death of Damon's dad a year and a half ago.
I like the journal idea, I think I'll try that.
I love you, lady. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. This is beautiful.
Well, I've tried to write a comment three times now and it just keeps sounding stupid. What I really want to say is I'm sorry, I admire whatever strength you were able to use, I think you are right when you said God gave it to you and I hope you get comfort from your family and your faith. He must have been one amazing guy, cuz you are crazay fun and smart. Loves to you and your family.
megan- i'm so sorry to hear about your dad. there is definitely nothing i can comment here to even begin to make anything better. but know you are in my thoughts and i wish you happy thoughts and peace. it sounds like you had a great dad. much love to you. and again, i'm so sorry for your loss.
Post a Comment